two wild and crazy guys

Hmmm, so my life has been just fucked these last few days. I am not sure as to what the fuck I want. I love this woman. I love the thought of what our family could be together. I just don't know, I am thinking I will tough it out and pay these bills and file for a divorce.

I have a pal where I am orginally from that is moving very swiftly in his divorce. I wanna say that he brought the idea up about divorce just about a month ago and they are now seeing a mediator and figuring shit out. It's cheaper and for the most part seems to be going ok for them. His soon to be ex is kind of being a bitch about it. She will be making out ok in the deal any way you look at it.

I just got a call from him this evening and he is hitting the bars and plans on fucking this sexy little bartender he has been chatting up for a while. I want that! I don't want be a man whore but just the option to say, I am going out tonight and if there is a chance I am gonna get laid, I will take it. We have been joking around how it would be funny for us to become roommates if/when I move back home. We would be Dan Akroyd and Steve Martin......Two Wild and Crazy Guys. We would go back to basics and be insane for a while I would imagine. Getting drunk and weenie slinging. It would all come to an end and I would settle back down and get my wonderful life back on track.

I think that half my problem is that I am where I am. I am not a huge fan of it. Does very little for me. I have been all around this great world of ours and I know that the mid-west is the place for me. I have become a bitter prude while living here and I hate that about me. I want to go home where I can fish, hike, canoe, camp all within minutes of my city. Sure I can do that stuff here kind of. I have to drive longer and pay more. Not to mention I have no pals to share it with. So wish me luck and we will see how this wonderful life I have craved out for msyelf winds up. Should be interesting at the least.

the dynamic

Fuck! My wife is so fucked up right now. I have been nothing but nice to her. She has no idea how to take it. Oh well, I will keep it up and see what happens. She is pissed at herself and lashes out at me. Complaining how I was "snooping". If I didn't have a suspicion I wouldn't have been "snooping".

Not to mention she is dumbfounded as to how I am getting her email passwords and such. Fuck it, I am going to print a few things off and keep them for my records. As I was shown earlier this evening her cheating is cause for an immediate divorce. Usually you have be seperated for 1 year. My biggest problem is my son. I love that kid like no other. I would want to return to the mid-west and be happy again. What are the odds that my son would be able to live with me full time in MN? I think he is worth the fight but should I just count my losses already and move ahead? Try to get him for the summers?

I am just a fucking trainwreck and need a nice long weekend ALONE. I am thinking I am going to go camping amd all will be good. Some nice solitude. Hiking, taking some pictures and just figure shit out.

Kind of funny how this blog when from the masturbating married man to the masturbating soon to be divorced blog. I guess it's just the way it is. My life has been fucking insane for 15 years. Some good, lots bad. I always seem to come out of it all feeling pretty good. I do know for a fact that I will NEVER re-marry. I am thinking I am more of the anti-social introvert type. Didn't used to be that way.

Oh well, it's late and I am just trying to figure out what I do do with my life now. I don't really have the money to be dealing with this shit now. Do I wanna bust my ass for the next 6 months to get out of debt only to get back into it divorcing my wife? I am so fucked. Wish me luck in the toilet bowl life.

Call me Columbo

Well, I have put my wonderful software into use and am now 100% up to date as to what the fuck my wife has been up to. Oh thats right, she has been being a fuck toy for a couple in NJ.

I had been reading her shit as the first night of installing that stuff. She had a very innconet, for the most part, IM chat with a myspace pal. She was actually trying to be naughty and the guy was turning her down...I think his wife was home. So anyway, I took some tidbits from that conversation and thought. That is usually not a good thing with me. My wife used the phrase, "He has no clue". In regards to what she has been up to. That smugness pissed the fuck out of me. Did she really think I was so fucking naive?

So today I hacked into her email and myspace. I started with email and read everything that didn't look cool to me. I was right for the most part. I saw a lot of emails from that one cocksucker who said he wouldn't be dirty any more. I am a man and I am a bullshitter. You can't fool me asshole. Nothing too bad in the email.

I then went to her myspace messages. Started off ok but then the things I was reading and the pics I was seeing blew my mind. Then "it" happened. I saw her chatting about how she was with a couple when she was in NJ a month or two ago. So she was balled by a guy and eaten by a woman. Well, I was pissed. So I kept looking. She was planning on meeting two dudes and get balled by them. Talking about having a cock in her mouth and one in her pussy. What the fuck?

I lost it!

I text her phone and basically told her that she can go and be a sex doll for these fucks and hope she enjoyed cheating on me. She called immediatly and asked how I hacked into her shit. I told her it didn't matter. So she was scared shitless.

So I have no idea as to what the fuck is going to happen. If she wasn't so fucking arrogant I would have been quiet about the whole thing. Her loss I guess.

I mean don't get me wrong here. I may be to blame for her actions. I have been known to be a complete and utter asshole to her. I have said some viscious things to her. But I am but a man. I am not perfect. I don't need to be punished everyday of my life. She does very little if anything to help the cause. She is quick to point out whats fucked up about me and what makes me a jerk. When I share what I think she needs to work on I am screwed. She takes it as me being an asshole and gets mad at me.

Facts:
1. I have been "caught"3 times being naughty online....not even directly caught. She "hacked" into my yahoo account and read my archives. I think she may have come across a cock picture or two as well. There was lots of flirting and idle banter of meeting women and fucking their brains out.
2. I am frusterated with the issues of my wife. I'm ill equipped to deal with them. She can't focus on anything and blames me for everything.
3. I was without a job for 9 months last year. That adds a buttload of stress to a marriage.
4. I have NEVER EVER cheated on my wife. I have been tempted to many times but always knew I would or at least may regret it in the end.
5. I just knew she was up to no good after hooking up with myspace and changing her email password.
6. She is fed up with how I am and wants out. She has long lost her love for me. I think she is being selfish and not wanting to face the reality that is our co-existence together. We have a beautiful 4 year old son who is not here because no matter how hard I work I still can't pay day care costs.
7. She has lost some weight and feels "desired" again by men. Not just boring old me.

Does any of this eqaute to going out and being a fuck doll? I am not sure what my future will hold with this woman. We have agreed to still go to counselling and see how that goes. If I get a divorce it will freak me out. I love this woman. I love my son. I love the family I have started. If I were to divorce I would go back to the mid-west as soon as I could. I don't know how that would work because odds are my son would go with my wife. He is my best friend in the whole world. I would NEVER re-marry. I would get into a relationship after a while but nothing to serious.

Who knows? Oh and I may be meeting that woman next weekend. I finally saw her picture today and she is beautiful. I am guessing she is out of my league but what the hell. Oh and my wife suggested the idea of an "open marriage". What a bunch of shit is that? I may consider it if I knew she loved me. But she doesn't....the damage is done.

We have very little debt for me not having a job for 9 months. Don't have any savings either. Her boss at one time helped us out and borrowed us some money that we have yet been able to repay but will in October. My wife is really concerned about paying her boss. I am all for paying her but my wife gives me the impression that once her boss is paid off she is bolting. So I told her that we need to figure out what we are going to do with ourselves first. We are BOTH responsible for paying her boss back.

Oh well fuck it, I am sleeping in the computer room tonight, not really in the mood to be in bed with her. Through out this whole thing I have been pretty mellow about the whole thing. She even said she was SHOCKED at how I was acting. She thought I would be flying off the handle. I was on the inside trust me.

So what do I do? Try to make it work? Be proactive in a divorce?

suspicious minds

Hmmm, so I am debating on what the fuck to do now with my life. I am almost 100% sure my marriage is falling apart. Not sure how much that is my fault as it is my wifes. We have been growing part for the better part of 2 years.

About 2-3 months ago my wonderful wife joined up with that crowd over at MYSPACE. I didn't mind! I never really mind what she did/does. Her first blog posting said something to the effect of, "I thought myspace was for cheaters and people looking to hook up". Well, I think that she is cheating and hooking up. She has reconnected with some of her old pals some women some men. I was cool with that until....

I came home one night and she left her myspace account open and I started to snoop. Well, I came across some messages from some guys she was chatting with and she was telling them how her marriage sucks and her husband is an asshole. That hurt big time. Why couldn't she come and tell me this to my face?

I confronted her about this and she tells me that she must have been mad at me at the time. I todl her that it was from like a day ago. Then we started talking about things and how things are going between us. I was "caught" being a perv online a few times from my wife and that made her unhappy. Understandably so. But in all my chats I have never once said that my wife was a bitch and that our marriage is on the outs.

A few weeks went by and she was getting a text message from someone at like 2am and her phone keeps beeping until you check it. Well, I couldn't stand the beeping every 2 minutes so I checked her phone. It was some graphic shit by some dude. It seems that my wife had sent him some nasty pics via phone. I read a whole bunch of her messages and wasn't a happy camper. I decided to call this cocksucker and see what his deal was. He sent me a message back saying that he was married to and was just having fun. He promised to never do it again. I left her a note and went to bed. She came up with some lame excuse as to who this dude was and tried to play the "I LOVE YOU CARD". I almost bought it.

A week or so go by and her phone is beeping again and some dumb hour. I checked it and it was more messages from this guy. I was pissed. She said that she stopped and he said he would to. But that wasn't the case.

Not to mention during all this my wife was going up to visit her mom/pals. Well, I could only imagine that she was hookiing up with these guys and now what I believe to be women. So I am basically convinced that she has cheated on me and is actively looking to do so again. She admitted that she "cheated" on me with one of her gal pals. I being a man am ok with that to a degree. I think that she has been with men and women within the last 3-6 months.

Her excuse for showing nudes of herself to these people is that she has lost weight and is looking and feeling better. I am all for that. I don't even mind her showing it off. I wish that I was the benefactor of some of this attention. If she tried as hard as she trys to be sexy and witty with her comments on myspace our marriage would be great.

I have a pal getting a divorce right now. I heard of his reasons why he is getting it and they all made sense to me. It made me think of my own marriage. Yeah it sucks right now, but with some hard work together we can make it work. We have agreed to go to counseling and see what happens. I am pretty sure she wants a divorce but is just doing this so she can say that we did everything that we could to save it.

Maybe I brought this all on myself? I mean I was a manwhore online before. I still do it to some degree. But I genuinely love my wife and am happy that I get to share a bed with her everynight. I have never cheated on her but am looking big time now. Maybe it's not for the right reasons but I am going to. I actually met a woman north of where I live and she wants to meet in a week or two. So we will see how that goes. I wouldn't even mind if she was with women or men if I knew I owned her heart. I can't say that she is happy to come share a bed with me every night. Thats what hurts...I am busting my ass to make this woork and she is just hanging out doing what she does.

So yesterday I ordered some spy software that allows me to read IM's and see screen shots. I have to figure out how to make it pick up passwords. That way I can check her myspace and email to see what she is really up to. I will keep you informed....but who reads my shit anyway?

been a while

Tonight at work I just so happened to look up at the night sky as a shooting star as cruising through earths atmosphere. Been a very long time since I have seen one. Made me a very happy. Crazy how the the wonders in life can make your day that much better. Yes, I did make a wish.

My mission statement

I should have maybe done this from the start but what are the rules to blogging? Does it even say you need a mission statement for blogging? I guess most people at some point or another explain why they are hear and doing what they are doing. Makes sense. That way your audience can know what the hell to expect from the author.

So, I am here for various reasons and I will try to convey those to you so as you can decide whether or not you want to come back and see what I have to say.

First and foremost, the reason that I am here is because the integrity of my other blog was compromised by people I knew. Didn't allow for me to be who I wanted to be and go down some of the avenues that I may have wanted to explore. So, I decided to start up a new blog and explore some of those things I wasn't able to do anymore at the old place.

Secondly, I want to share my thoughts and desires to a crowd of people who don't know me from Joe Johnson. I will talk about masturbation, sex, fantasys and life according to me. I know I may have gotten off on the wrong foot with my blog. I started off right away talking about jerking off and how I enjoyed the woman I shared it with. Not to mention a cock picture may have bothered some. I promise that cock pictures will be used sparingly and part of a post. I have a lot of issues such as everybody does these days. I want a place to vent them and possibly even get feedback from "my readers". Always a good thing to get a new perspective on my thoughts.

Lastly, I am here just to have a good time and possibly explore the exhibitionist in me and maybe all of us. I am excited to start this new adventure and hope that some of you are as excited about the possibilities that could form from this. I am just saying not to judge because I have come across as a pathetic loser guy that wants to talk sex all day. As you will see that won't be the case. I figure I will be pretty pro-active with this thing since its new and I am trying to get my blog out there. People are coming, I have had 55 profile views. I just haven't had much to comment on I guess.

There you have it! The reasons why I am here being a neanderthal for all to see. I hope that you enjoy and see what if anything comes of it.

Get your tickets now

Yeah, I am trying to make my mark on this blogging world. It just doesn't seem to be working. Maybe I am trying and care to much about getting this naughty side of me out there. I am not sure how many people actually come here. As of this posting, my blog had 10 visitors. I would say that at least 5 of those are me coming in to check it out.

I am not sure that people wanna read the sexual desires of a 29 year old married man. I mean really what so special about that. I bet people stop by and say to themselves, "Get in line schmuck!" There are a million and one blogs or places to read about the sexual desires of a married man. What was I thinking? Was I so naive as to think I was the first one to come up with this idea? Maybe I actually need to have some sexual things here other than me whining all the time how nobody likes me.

I am just excited to have my own place that I can write about the things that I am thinking and feeling. I am guessing it won't all be about sex but a majority fo it will. Just knowing that I am putting it out there kind of like and exhibitionist is almost intoxicating. I want people to know how I stroke my cock reading some of their blogs. I want people to see rub my soft cock until it gets hard. I want to share my story about why I am doing this. Intoxicated. I am getting excited just thinking about it.

So for whats it's worth, buy a ticket and stick around. It may be worth coming back to read. I am kind of just working things out now. As soon as I find my stride I am sure that all will be good. Just give me a chance is all that ask and I will try to not make it like the blog that so many of you may already think it is.

my Yahoo philosophy

Well, I am starting to be 'yee of little faith'. I am not sure if anybody has stopped by or what. No comments I see.

Anyway, I woke up horny as hell today. I wrote a big long post that was botched and was only able to submit what was in that last post. I am so pissed. So now you will get an abbreviated version of what I wrote.

So I am horny as hell today, big surprise right? Anyway I have been chatting in some of the yahoo rooms. I have chatted with some very nice women and haven't really been a "bad boy". Just had some good chat and nice flirts. I woke up this morning with a pic in my phone from a woman that I chatted with. She sent me a pic of her great tits. So needless to say, that made my cock stand on end right away this morning.

So, as some of you may know men don't get a lot of action on Yahoo. I rarely of ever get a woman that wants to start a chat with me. Maybe its because I have an ugly pic of myself in my profile. I think that 99 out of 100 people want to share a picture of them looking their best. Makes sense to me. I figured if they like how I sound or how I write they will get over the fact I am a neanderthal. Actually, I am an average looking guy that looks toatlly different from my profile pic. So the women tend to be pleasntly surprised at what I look like.

I have been in rooms off and on today and no luck of any good chat. That's my mentality when I go to the rooms. I am always looking for a good conversation above all else. Doesn't have to be naughty. Just a nice free flowing conversation. if it starts to get into the flirtatious area I am fine with that to. Then even if it gets a bit naughty I am cool with that but not what I am out there looking for.

So there you have my philosophy on Yahoo chatting. Works for some.....oh yeah you can reach me at headhoncho_101 on Yahoo IM.

who knows

I am wanting to have an affair. Is that such a bad thing? Just to know that I am still appealing to another woman. Maybe not even have sex. Just someone to chat with and makes me feel good. Those have been some of the thoughts I have been having a late.

yee of little faith

Well, I still haven't had anyone leave me a comment. I am not even sure people are stopping by. Fingers are crossed. I have been searching out like minded blogs. I think three things are happening. 1) I am too in your face 2) I whine way too much 3) Women are sexier i.e. forms and tales/fantasies.

a little filler

Well, it occured to me to go and check out some blogs. What better way to that than hit up some of the members of HNT. I stopped by a few and left a comment. I do hope to hear back from them at some point. There was one that was simply amazing. reading it made my cock stand tall and ached to be rubbed. So maybe I did some good "networking" and will be getting some people here.

On another note. Just because my wife says she is open to the idea of having sex on a webcam does NOT mean she knows I am doing this blog. Does that make me an asshole? A neanderthal? Or just a an idiot?

how wonderful

Well, I have had a few days off of work and am keeping my nose clean. I have been busy cleaning and making sure that all is good to go. I guess my upstairs neighbors were fucking slobs. Tons of cockroaches when they moved out. So I am making sure that everything is put back in its place.

I had a nice open convesation with my wife the other day and suggested we spice up our sex life a bit. I had the idea of having sex on cam. She went for it and wants to try it. I must say that the idea of having my wife suck me while others watch is exciting. Then not to mention us fucking.....the thought sends my mind in a spiral. The only thing is she wants to do it with just a woman watching or a couple. I am not to eager about having 30 dudes watching us play. Maybe a handful of women or a couple or two. I will keep you posted on that front. I need to talk about something other than sex here. I always get horny.

Oh and I am having a helluva time finding cool blogs to post on and then hopefully they come back and post on mine. I guess seeing my cock is maybe a turn off or the amount of sex I talk about. So if you see this leave a message or tell someone about it.

I am not sure why the hell I am so horny of late. I think it has a lot to do with the woman that I chatted with the other night. She was grcious enough to refresh my memory and send me a pic of her. It was G-rated of course. Just seeing her smile and her herself excited me. It helped since I was already rubbing myself after I had written that last blog entry. She then outdid herself and sent me a picture of her wonderfully sexy pussy. It was shaved and looked delicious. I would loved to have ran my tongue up and down the folds of her pussy. Of course this will never happen. I am a married and man and she doesn't dig on taken goods....or at least I think. Not to mention I think she goes more for the sauve looking fellas. I am just an average Joe that brings very little to her table. Would love to be proven wrong.

I am excited because she will be getting DSL soon and will be able to watch me stroke my cock for her. I am such a horny bastard. I wonder why that is?

Tonight started off like every other night. I came home and chilled out and decided to jump on the computer. I have 2 different yahoo names that I chat under and have rarely if ever used my "old" one. I thought I would drop a line to a few of the cool people on my list. I usually leave a quick offline and log onto my other name.

This time I decided to drop a line off with a woman that I have "known" from my other blog. I use the word known loosely. I have chatted with her a handful of times and drop by her blog occasionally to see what she is up to. Through my reading skills I had kind of guessed she lived in the same area as me. Anyway, she was invisible and I left her a message. She gets pissy with me because I am invisible too but she never writes me anyway so I don't see the big deal in it.

We made the usually small banter and she had said something that kind of made the mind race. I had mentioned that it wasn't such a good idea to be talking about things like that, I was pretty horny. She had mentioned she was to and had already played with herself. This instantly made my cock tighten my boxers. I had mentioned to her that I would be jerking off at some point in the night. She tried to change the topic and she did successfully a few times. I am not sure if she relented or really wanted me to jerk off for her right then. But she told me how she enjoyed watching a man jerk off or hearing him cum. I had mentioned I had a webcam so she could watch me explode. She declined.

She started off by asking me a few sexy questions about rubbing my cock and I dutifully answered her.

Meanwhile, I was slowly rubbing my hand up and down my cock. Only wishing she was able to see what she had done to me and what I was doing to myself. I love the way my hand feels wrapped around my cock. I don't use a lube. I enjoy teasing my cock so precum gently comes pouring out and lubes my cock itself.

She asked me what I thought of while I played with myself. i had told her I like to think of past sexual encounters, possible future encounters and in this case I was thinking about her.

Meanwhile, the head of my cock was getting sticky slippery with precum. I was rubbing the sensitive head with my thumb. Makes my cock jump in my hand. Feels so good.

She asked what I was thinking about her.

I told her that I was thinking how great it would be to meet at flirt with each other all afternoon in a public place. Get each other started up for the fun that could carry over to the car. I told her how great it would be to kiss her and get in the car. She could bare her great tits and ask me to jerk off for her. Meanwhile she is slowly rubbing and pinching her nipples.

Oh and I have only seen her pics ONCE and that was like 3-4 months ago. From what I remember she is sexy as hell. The cutest smile and softest lips. Not to mention great tits. But that was the one and only time I had ever seen her and we had talked off and on for over a year.

My hand slowly rubbing up and down my cock. It is coated with precum and my hand glides up and down my cock. I can picture us in the car. Me rubbing my cock for her. Her rubbing her nice tits for me. Knowing that is hot. She then reaches under her skirt to feel her wetness and brings her nectar to my lips.

When she told me that I started to rub my cock fast. With my other hand I rubbed my shaved balls. I could have exploded right there. It felt so good rubbing myself. I slowed my pace so wouldn't cum just then. She was painting such a beautiful picture.

My cock was soaked. I was slowly rubbing it feeling like could cum with any stroke.

She then painted us fucking in the car and her whispering sweet nothings into my ear. Grinding her tight pussy on my thick cock as I had her great tits in my face.

This is the picture I was going to take with me as I came. I started to rub my cock a bit faster and harder. Rubbing my balls. Wishing my hand was her wet pussy wrapped around my cock. My hadn easily sliding up and down my cock. Feeling close to a wet pussy. I started to beat faster and faster. I came as soon as she demanded I fill her pussy with my creamy hot load of cum.

I teased my cock till the end. Slowing down and the speeding up again watching my cock erupt and spraying cum all over my hand and stomach. Using the cum that was running down my cock to lube me up more and tease my cock. It becomes really sensitive after I cum. It feels so good rubbing my hand over my cock after I just came.

So to her I say THANKS!!! Am hard again writing this.

why I am here

Well, I have been blogging with Blogger.com for over a year now. I made the mistake of losing the anonymity with my orginal blog. Not to say that I will be upkeeping this one any more than I do that one. But you will be getting more of what's on my mond than whats on my other blog. I am only going to let one person from my old blog know about this.

I am not sure what I want to do with this new blog. I think I want to vent my frusteration out here. My life has been a trainwreck for a while now. So I figured what better way than to write about what makes me mad, happy, sad and horny. I am guessing it will be a lame roller coaster of a blog but may be worth you stopping by every once in a while to see how things go. So Maybe sit back and enjoy the ride and see what I may bring to the table in bloggville.

I was going to have a darker layout but figured I am not always going to be dark and crappy. Might as well have fun while I am doing it right?