Call me Columbo

Well, I have put my wonderful software into use and am now 100% up to date as to what the fuck my wife has been up to. Oh thats right, she has been being a fuck toy for a couple in NJ.

I had been reading her shit as the first night of installing that stuff. She had a very innconet, for the most part, IM chat with a myspace pal. She was actually trying to be naughty and the guy was turning her down...I think his wife was home. So anyway, I took some tidbits from that conversation and thought. That is usually not a good thing with me. My wife used the phrase, "He has no clue". In regards to what she has been up to. That smugness pissed the fuck out of me. Did she really think I was so fucking naive?

So today I hacked into her email and myspace. I started with email and read everything that didn't look cool to me. I was right for the most part. I saw a lot of emails from that one cocksucker who said he wouldn't be dirty any more. I am a man and I am a bullshitter. You can't fool me asshole. Nothing too bad in the email.

I then went to her myspace messages. Started off ok but then the things I was reading and the pics I was seeing blew my mind. Then "it" happened. I saw her chatting about how she was with a couple when she was in NJ a month or two ago. So she was balled by a guy and eaten by a woman. Well, I was pissed. So I kept looking. She was planning on meeting two dudes and get balled by them. Talking about having a cock in her mouth and one in her pussy. What the fuck?

I lost it!

I text her phone and basically told her that she can go and be a sex doll for these fucks and hope she enjoyed cheating on me. She called immediatly and asked how I hacked into her shit. I told her it didn't matter. So she was scared shitless.

So I have no idea as to what the fuck is going to happen. If she wasn't so fucking arrogant I would have been quiet about the whole thing. Her loss I guess.

I mean don't get me wrong here. I may be to blame for her actions. I have been known to be a complete and utter asshole to her. I have said some viscious things to her. But I am but a man. I am not perfect. I don't need to be punished everyday of my life. She does very little if anything to help the cause. She is quick to point out whats fucked up about me and what makes me a jerk. When I share what I think she needs to work on I am screwed. She takes it as me being an asshole and gets mad at me.

Facts:
1. I have been "caught"3 times being naughty online....not even directly caught. She "hacked" into my yahoo account and read my archives. I think she may have come across a cock picture or two as well. There was lots of flirting and idle banter of meeting women and fucking their brains out.
2. I am frusterated with the issues of my wife. I'm ill equipped to deal with them. She can't focus on anything and blames me for everything.
3. I was without a job for 9 months last year. That adds a buttload of stress to a marriage.
4. I have NEVER EVER cheated on my wife. I have been tempted to many times but always knew I would or at least may regret it in the end.
5. I just knew she was up to no good after hooking up with myspace and changing her email password.
6. She is fed up with how I am and wants out. She has long lost her love for me. I think she is being selfish and not wanting to face the reality that is our co-existence together. We have a beautiful 4 year old son who is not here because no matter how hard I work I still can't pay day care costs.
7. She has lost some weight and feels "desired" again by men. Not just boring old me.

Does any of this eqaute to going out and being a fuck doll? I am not sure what my future will hold with this woman. We have agreed to still go to counselling and see how that goes. If I get a divorce it will freak me out. I love this woman. I love my son. I love the family I have started. If I were to divorce I would go back to the mid-west as soon as I could. I don't know how that would work because odds are my son would go with my wife. He is my best friend in the whole world. I would NEVER re-marry. I would get into a relationship after a while but nothing to serious.

Who knows? Oh and I may be meeting that woman next weekend. I finally saw her picture today and she is beautiful. I am guessing she is out of my league but what the hell. Oh and my wife suggested the idea of an "open marriage". What a bunch of shit is that? I may consider it if I knew she loved me. But she doesn't....the damage is done.

We have very little debt for me not having a job for 9 months. Don't have any savings either. Her boss at one time helped us out and borrowed us some money that we have yet been able to repay but will in October. My wife is really concerned about paying her boss. I am all for paying her but my wife gives me the impression that once her boss is paid off she is bolting. So I told her that we need to figure out what we are going to do with ourselves first. We are BOTH responsible for paying her boss back.

Oh well fuck it, I am sleeping in the computer room tonight, not really in the mood to be in bed with her. Through out this whole thing I have been pretty mellow about the whole thing. She even said she was SHOCKED at how I was acting. She thought I would be flying off the handle. I was on the inside trust me.

So what do I do? Try to make it work? Be proactive in a divorce?