Chuck Woolery would be pissed

I am finding that I am a wimp. I have known this for years. Only when it comes to women. I can't approach a woman and start a conversation. I know thats half the battle. I'm well aware that women can smell confidence from a man or the lack there of. I woul dbe fine if it was cool for a woman to come up and chat me up.

I am afraid of all of the cliche things. What am I supposed to say when I try to talk up a fair maiden? I know I can think of a million things to say and it sounds good to me now but when it comes to the real deal I would think I be a stumbling fool. I am not an ugly fella but not Fabio either and am a bit gun shy about my appearance. I do need a makeover. By makeover I mean simple things like haircut and a few new clothes.

I can see why women like shopping to make themselves feel better. They have amazing curves and lines to highlight. Men have zilch to accentuate. I have never put on a pair of Levi's and thought how great they made my ass look.

I am actually going out next weekend with my pals and see what I can do. I know that I am not looking for a serious relationship but to be able to hang out with a woman and have a good time and possibly sprinkle in some sex.

Thinking this blog may revert back to what it started out as...horndog central. I need to get laid.

who am i

I am at a wierd place in my life right now. I am a 29 year old underachiever. I enjoy helping others out in a jam and never expect to be helped out myself. I care about strangers. What am I getting at? Not sure, I think I see a ramble come on here.

Basically I read my last comment from a wonderful woman. Anyway, she was able to see through the bullshit of what was going on in her boyfriends life and see that there was a man somewhere in there. I am a man to. I am a simple man. A neanderthal if you will. While I was married to my wife, I never told her no and made sure she had the things she wanted and needed. I went without. As time went on my wifes attitude changed and it was making me mad. It was ok for her to tell me what I was doing fucked up and I would try and fix them so she was happy. When it was my turn to tell her what was fucked up with her I was an instant asshole and I hated.

Marriage isn't sometning that is just a gimme. It's something that needs to be tended to on a regular basis evaluated. I was wrong everyday of my marriage. I'm not good at math but that seems like an impossibilty. Before long I would be having my wife bitch at me about the same things I was bitching at her about. Then I became someone who I am not. I would flip out on her in a second. She would take on no responsibilty and when she did she failed. I am not in the business of babysitting a 30-something woman.

So when she said that she had wanted to work on our marriage I was happy. I genuinely loved this woman. We both had faults like so many others do. I was humilty and she has none. I can be told that I am screwed up and need to change something without thinking someone is belittling me. I was hoping she could see some faults with counseling. But 1 trip wouldn't do it. I didn;t get a chance for a second trip. She had already moved in with ND.

By all accounts from what I have seen at ND's place is that it's smaller and more cramped than where we lived before. Not sure ND knows what he is in for. I have been told that ND has "things going for him" and he is "hot". All ego boosters on my part. First off, I am done being that underachiever and am going to follow my dream. I am going to be the best dad that my son could ever ask for. Once I get leave this area and be where I want to be I will make this all a reality. I know I am not going cure cancer and by no means am I quasimodo. I'm pissed that she gave up on me and didn;t see me for the man that I am and will be. Her loss.

I do know that I am happier being on my own for now. I am not ruling out ever getting married again. I just know that I won't marry the type of woman my wife was. She is weak, close minded, and a liar.

I was thinking about how I started this blog. Horndog central. A picture of my erect penis started it off. Then I guess my thoughts on having an affair. Not sure I would have ever actually gone through with that but is fun flirting online I guess. I haven't had sex in 3 months and it's killing me. But I will put myself back in the game any day now.

The other day I was asking my pal who used eHarmony to find his girlfriend how it worked. He told me the basics and I told him, "I'm not looking for a relationship. I just want to find a woman thats cool and likes sex as much as I do. I need to find a website like eWhore."

Bullied

I am rather pissy this evening! I was called by my soon to be ex-wife today claiming that I had to pay the day care people that watch my son. I hate these people to begin with. So I paid via money order so there is a trail and proof that I paid this bitch. I showed up and this woman starts telling me that we need to talk because we have animosity between us. Yeah I hate her and she hates me. Makes for very tense moments when I pick up my son.

Anyway, I went to pick my son up this evening and this chick and huge boyfriend start telling me that I need to shut my mouth or big boyfriend will beat my ass. Well, give me a break. I know that she has talked shit about me. So if I am the one paying for his child care I want to decide where he goes. I don't need the drama when I pick up my son. I hate my selfish soon to be ex-wife. She has become a leetch. I am going to drop the hammer on her in the next 2 weeks. Thats when I will approach her with my seperation papers. She is going to be fucked. I need to learn how to keep my cool. Smile and go on as if nothing happened. I have been documenting everything in my divorce diary.

I have become a bitter creep over the last few months/years. I can flip out on my wife in a second. I have never been that way in my life. How and why can she make me be like that? I hate this. I have to go hakuna matata with myself. Stay tuned for whatever else is to come I'm sure.

The Story

Well, I am finally writing again. I am thinking this should be a good thing. I am now 100% moved into my new place and enjoying it. My computer sucks and I need a new one but that will come come.

So, about me, I think I have been away for 3 months or so? A lot has happened. I am going to quick rehash some earlier events and move into the stae of things now.

I found out my wife was cheating back in September and was willing to forgive her for that. Maybe a dumb move on my part. As maybe this story will unveil. We went to a great counselor and I thought that we were both willing to try and fix this mess we had created. About a week after the meeting with the counselor she diappeared on me. She was still local but not coming home, not answering her phone/texts. I was worried. But have never been one to say what my wife can and can not do. I finally text her one night and told her that I knew she was lying to me about who she was with and where she was. She called th enext day to tell me she was seeing this guy and planned on moving in with him. What the fuck?

I of course pleaded for her to come back home with me and lets try and work things out. She is stubborn as hell and I have to hand it to her, stuck by her decision. I was alone. My son still wasn't with us. She never came by to get any of her things. After about a month of moping and wishing for something that wasn't there anymore I started to move on.

This is where things went down hill fast. At first I was cool about it and made jokes about the whole ordeal and even put my wife at ease. Then she stopped talking to me. That pissed me off. I had the understanding that we were leaving under good circumstances. No bad blood. Then she became a bitch. That made me bitter and even more miserable. Around this time I decided that I was moving forward and going to kick ass in this life that I have seemed to let slip away from me. I stopped calling her and started going out with the guys. She didn't like that. I didn't answer her calls. She didn;t like that.

My son came home in mid-December to a crazy dynamic. He left with a mom and dad that loved him and each other. He came back to mom sleeping with some new dude and dad moving his stuff out. We had as decent of Christmas as you could have. I found a place in late December and started moving in early January.

She had been living there for about 2 weeks with my son and she wouldn't tell me where she lived. I finally was sick of it and told her that she needed to tell me where my son was staying and that I needed to meet New Dude (ND) or I would call the police because I have the right to know where my son is staying and with whom. She reluctantly told me where she was staying and invited me over to tour the place. I wasn't impressed. By all rights she has downsized bigtime. ND was gone and wasn't willing to meet me. He is "non-confrontational". Well, he's a big enough man to fuck my wife and steal my son and he doesn't want a confrontation? Give me a break.

I am able to see my son on the days that I have off and probably whenever I want to. My wife only calls for money and to see if I can take our son. What a bitch! I am taking on all debt and she is walking scott free. I am the one that is financially hurting now. I don't have rent free place. I don't have the joy of someone paying my car payment. We had agreed at one time to hash everything out between us, no courts telling us what to do. I asked her what she thought would be fair child support. she didn't give me a number. I gave one and she kind of shrugged her shoulders at the amount. I told her about me taking on all debt, she didn't give a hoot. I told her the other day that if she continues being a bitch, I am going to make sure that she pays for her half of things with both our names on it. I think she will see things my way.

I went to a lawyer so I can strike first blood. It will cost me close to $2,000 to get a divorce. He wanted about half that up front and I was unable to give him that money then but will be doing so my next pay day. I just hope all is well and she comes to her senses. 90% of her family is on my side. Except her mom and a loopy sister. Fuck em.

Anyway that has been my life in a nutshell. I will be writing on a regular basis now so stop by to see the circus that has become my life. From here on out I will have more details for you and not be so vague.

Oh and lastly, I want to say thanks to an online pal of mine who I talk to from time to time. She is annoyed by me but humors me and talks to me and teaches me a lot about myself and life. She has a great outlook on things allows me to see my own situation from outside the box. We had a great chat on the phone about a month ago and she is good stuff. Just wanted to give a shout out. Hopefully they know who they are.

Back

Well, a lot has happened in the few month ssince I have written last. I have moved out and am online again. Things are actualy decent but still nutty if you know what I mean. I will get into it again soon. I am sure I have lost any audience I once had but i do promise to write about everything that has happened and fill in some of the new readers.

Sorry this first post back is short and sweet but I need sleep. I will probably be breaking down my drama into parts. I know I hate reading long blogs about crap. So see you when I see you, promise it will be in a day or so.