who am i

I am at a wierd place in my life right now. I am a 29 year old underachiever. I enjoy helping others out in a jam and never expect to be helped out myself. I care about strangers. What am I getting at? Not sure, I think I see a ramble come on here.

Basically I read my last comment from a wonderful woman. Anyway, she was able to see through the bullshit of what was going on in her boyfriends life and see that there was a man somewhere in there. I am a man to. I am a simple man. A neanderthal if you will. While I was married to my wife, I never told her no and made sure she had the things she wanted and needed. I went without. As time went on my wifes attitude changed and it was making me mad. It was ok for her to tell me what I was doing fucked up and I would try and fix them so she was happy. When it was my turn to tell her what was fucked up with her I was an instant asshole and I hated.

Marriage isn't sometning that is just a gimme. It's something that needs to be tended to on a regular basis evaluated. I was wrong everyday of my marriage. I'm not good at math but that seems like an impossibilty. Before long I would be having my wife bitch at me about the same things I was bitching at her about. Then I became someone who I am not. I would flip out on her in a second. She would take on no responsibilty and when she did she failed. I am not in the business of babysitting a 30-something woman.

So when she said that she had wanted to work on our marriage I was happy. I genuinely loved this woman. We both had faults like so many others do. I was humilty and she has none. I can be told that I am screwed up and need to change something without thinking someone is belittling me. I was hoping she could see some faults with counseling. But 1 trip wouldn't do it. I didn;t get a chance for a second trip. She had already moved in with ND.

By all accounts from what I have seen at ND's place is that it's smaller and more cramped than where we lived before. Not sure ND knows what he is in for. I have been told that ND has "things going for him" and he is "hot". All ego boosters on my part. First off, I am done being that underachiever and am going to follow my dream. I am going to be the best dad that my son could ever ask for. Once I get leave this area and be where I want to be I will make this all a reality. I know I am not going cure cancer and by no means am I quasimodo. I'm pissed that she gave up on me and didn;t see me for the man that I am and will be. Her loss.

I do know that I am happier being on my own for now. I am not ruling out ever getting married again. I just know that I won't marry the type of woman my wife was. She is weak, close minded, and a liar.

I was thinking about how I started this blog. Horndog central. A picture of my erect penis started it off. Then I guess my thoughts on having an affair. Not sure I would have ever actually gone through with that but is fun flirting online I guess. I haven't had sex in 3 months and it's killing me. But I will put myself back in the game any day now.

The other day I was asking my pal who used eHarmony to find his girlfriend how it worked. He told me the basics and I told him, "I'm not looking for a relationship. I just want to find a woman thats cool and likes sex as much as I do. I need to find a website like eWhore."